Whats goin on...

This is my first blog. I used to do this a long time ago...like 4 or 5 years. I think im at a point where ive got too much going on inside my head and i need to get some of it out. I recently broke up with my boyfriend...he turned mean. He was so awesome and we got along great then the last year it just kind of fell apart...like he didnt really like me anymore. But now that i broke up with him he wants to act like i was everything to him and tell me how much he needs me...and its like you should of tried harder dude. I think ive been taking the whole break up really well. A little too well actually. I think its finally starting to hit me that im alone again...and im trying to be really strong. I need to realize that i dont need a boyfriend to be happy. Its still a difficult emotional struggle. I dont want to get back with him...not at all. Its the company and the comfort that there was that i miss. That stability...that knowing that someone will be there when you get home. Now its like i get home and im stuck with my millions of random thoughts and if i dont have something to keep me busy i fall into this funk. I think i might just be pmsing or something...but its like anything makes me want to cry. Maybe letting everything out on here might help...i mean whats the worse that can happen. Its like when i feel something is going awesome and the way it should be it does a total 180 and goes the opposite. Ive taught myself to not get too excited about anything anymore because i just get disappointed by the outcome but sometimes you just cant help it. I played tennis last night and im very sore...my arm is like shaking, my legs feel like jello...i would love to be able to drive back home and crawl into my nice warm bed with my teddy bear and stay there until the weekend. That would be the most awesome thing in the whole world. But nope gotta work...gotta make that paper. At least tomorrows Friday already! So i guess this blog hasnt really meant much...just me jotting down the first thing that comes to mind. From now on ill actually write about something...i promise. I'm pretty scatterbrained if you cant tell...i cant really stay on one subject i go off on to tangents. I've decided that this summer im going to do the whole Europe thing...then when i get back im moving to Idaho. I guess thats a little far to move alone but...i just want to go somewhere i need a change of scenary....maybe california. that would be real pretty...im not sure i could handle earthquakes though...id probably freak out. North Carolina?? Theres a beach there...idk i guess ill just have to wait and see where life takes me. Im a go with the flow kinda girl and i just need to stop getting attached. Attachments seem to cause nothing but trouble. Well im going to end this one and see where life takes me today. What is it Thursday? Maybe ill have a little movie night...make a date with myself. Ill write again soon.

-Confused about life.