When in Rome?? That doesn't fit this much...COOL SONG THOUGH

I was born in Miami, Florida (this is one of the reasons the dolphins are my team what what yeah boy) and moved to like St. Louis for a month or so before moving down here to Texas. We lived in Irving, Garland, Carrollton, and who knows who else before I was 6. We ended up staying in Carrollton where I lived until I turned about 18 or 19. Thats when my need for change kicked in. Since then I've lived in Dallas by the High Five and in Richardson...and addison. I recently moved back to Carrollton only finding that i want to now get out of Texas all together. I am trying to save up enough money so i can go with my grandma and grandpa on the yearly trip to Europe. I went when i was like 13 but I want to go now that im older and can appreciate it better. Ive thought about going with them and then just being like...nah i think ill stay here whenever its time to board the plane back to dallas. Oddly enough i have really really been interested in moving to Idaho. I think i mention that in an earlier blog. I went to http://www.visitidaho.org/ and WOW talk about pretty. My friend said yeah your going to move there and get bored and i was like whatever i can entertain myself dude! Who knows what will happen. As long as im happy. That is all im worried about now. I know it sounds selfish but my whole life i have put others first and worried about what everyone else thought and i wasnt true to myself. Now I can be. That doesnt mean im going to be a selfish biotch about everything...im just going to think more about the decisions i make. For example..when i go out and want to pay for everyone because they say their broke...then i go home and have to scrimp and save for the next week because i have no money. Stuff like that. I just need to listen to Mama. One thing that i have learned over the last few years is MAMA IS ALWAYS RIGHT. She brought you into this world and she CAN take you out. My mom used to always say that...actually i think she said it like last week...lol. Well anyways, I'm at work and should be working so...i guess i better get back to it. BTW I'm totally excited for December..not just for Christmas but i'll get to see my PFLBFHBD :-D. He sure is somethin special. Oh and im sending out the care package to my buddy in Iraq...Pray that he gets it, if not in time for, then on Christmas! I told him to take lots of pictures of him opening it so i can pretend im there lol. Ill be back to write some more soon. I love you, you, you, you and YOU. Especially you... ;)

-SoLOVing

Oh baby baby baby baby baby

I know American Baby isn't a Christmas carol but this is one of the songs that for some reason reminds me of Christmas time. When i was 19 and i had first moved out i moved into my friend Lara's one bedroom apartment. it was one of those apartments that were two stories...kind of like a town home but it was on the second floor. I had the living room basically. I remember i had gone to walmart and bought that inflatable Disney princess bed for kids. It was the most comfortable bed ever after it was a bit deflated. Not to mention it had a big inflatable castle around it and was purple and pink. I know you can picture me sleeping in one of those no doubt. Lara and i would get a bottle of Reunite Lambrusco each and start a fire and just hang out. Well that year i had bought the Dave Matthews Live at the Rock cd. It was amazing. I would always listen to it like alllll the time. Maybe that's why it reminds me of Christmas time. Lara had an inflatable Christmas tree that we had blown up in the living room. It was great good times good time.

This weekend has mostly been spent vegging out. Its fabulous. I may have gone out in the evenings but there are not many things that i love more then sitting on this couch and watching movies i haven't seen in years. For example...clueless is on my television as we speak and i am in a very comfortable position even with my laptop in my lap. Maggie is sprawled out comfortably on the couch as well. We feed off each others laziness.

I've met someone. I don't want to brag too much about it. Its a bit complicated. But he does make me feel super special and like...its amazing and its weird and crazy and i don't even know how to describe it. I just know that things are looking really well...and I'm excited about potential future situations. :-D . I know what i want now. I know what kind of person i need to be happy. I hope that everything works out nicely! Ok well I'm having trouble focusing on this and the movie at the same time so i will definitely be back to update.

-Solovely

::Insane in the Membrane::

Last night as I was peacefully and FINALLY starting to fall asleep after lying in bed for a good hour staring at the walls...my mom got home. I swear it was like the devil had got into her head and stirred some crap up. She was LIVID. She starts yelling "IS YOUR BROTHER HERE YET??" and I'm thinking Oh MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS WHAT THE HEEZY...apparently my little brother had told my dad he was staying and me and my moms apartment...then went downtown somewhere. Could this child get into any more trouble? Its ridiculous...I dont think i ever did that crap. I know i know ive done the whole im spending the night at brookes house and then go out to a club but that was when i was like 18 and out of school. My mom wasnt dumb she knew exactly what i was doing it was just like...and unspoken agreement. My brother is 17 and is still in school...AND hes not using the whole im spending the night at a friends house hes using my mom. That is way unnacceptable. All i know is i got involved in this as soon as mom woke me up screamin for him. I said Mom we have neighbors!!!!! She didnt care! But when im throwin my little hissy fit because i got the wrong thing from wendys its all about worrying if the neighbors can hear! (i know two totally different things but you know what i mean...) So her and i are calling my brother non-stop and she calls his girlfriend and she says that he had lost his phone...and that he had called her from his friends phone. Then he finally calls and shes yelling and screaming at him and hes saying hes in downtown and he cant make it home fast and bla bla bla. I fall asleep again and he comes home then it starts all over again. So...im sleepy. Thats the point of that long ass story...im sleepy and so happy its friday. I talked to my mom this morning about Thanksgiving...she has been trying to plan out what my brother and i are going to do. Things become a bit more difficult with holidays and stuff since my mom and dad divorced. All week has been them arguing back and forth about whos going to whos for dinner and what not. My mom tried to get me to talk to my dad about it and i said no way no way no way. I thought i had had it all planned out then she changed it all up so she needed to talk to him about it. I find myself telling her "I'm not my father" alot lately. I think its all figured out now though. My grandpa is one of my friends on facebook and i think im going to delete him because he wont stop asking me questions about my status (haha). For example:
Him: What does your little status thing mean on your Facebook...its weird?
Me: What are you talking about??
Him: The one you have on there!
Me: That place in my mind is the space you call mine??
Him: No, no...thats weird too though...
Me: I wish things were different??
Him: Yeah that one what do you wish was different??
Me: I dont know...i wish i wasnt in Texas anymore...i wish i had my OWN car that i could drive anywhere as far as i want...i wish i had more money and stability to work with...everything basically!! Why? its not for you to ask about its just for you to read and wonder!!
Him: Well whats stopping you?? Leave then!
Me: I dont know I've got like a job and stuff (hes my boss btw)
Him: Well im sorry your job is keeping you from doing the things you want! Heh heh..But Old Chinese proverb says...(something something something) the first step...and this is your first step..your first step is to start remembering things! So send me my email with my schedule for tomorrow reminding me to wake up early! And if you want to travel then you should join the AIRFORCE (its his new thing, telling me to join the airforce)
Me: AAlllllriiiiiiigggghhhhttt....thank you!!! Byyyyye!

So that has been my morning so far...Then after doing multiple invoices and entering bank statements and printing checks and closing envelopes and going to pick up Kelly (the other weiner dog that lives with my grandma and grandpa) and going and taking Maggie out (my mom blind weiner dog) and then coming back to the office and doing more nonsense i will be off, and it will be the weekend, and i will be able to do nothing but what i want to do! Yay for freedom. I still have to clean my room and do some laundry and pick up around the apartment to make mama happy...but then after that i will really be free. I think its...Dukes here we come. Yay for i think $5 pitchers? Yay for beer. MMM cerveza. Yay for friends in low places...and in high places. Yay for sleeping in on weekends and being lazy on Sundays. Yay for laptops without which i wouldnt be able to talk to a certain someone as much as i do. Yay for chinese food. Yay for super long blogs! Yay for Jeff and his over active brain that drives me crazy when he goes off on his little talking rampages about the craziest things in the world like the way he feels about girls and being androgynous or something like that but its ok because its what has kept me so interested in his life for the last 7 years. Yay for Megan and he finishing student teaching finally after not getting paid for working for sooooo long. Yay for Pumas. Yay for me possibly finally getting to be in real snow sometime this winter (wink wink). Yay for potential future boyfriends and stuff. Ok ive got so many yays...ill stop for now. I will come back on Sunday probably to talk about my weekend to come. I love you. You. You are awesome. You are what makes stuff great. YOU!


-Solizzle.

Whats goin on...

This is my first blog. I used to do this a long time ago...like 4 or 5 years. I think im at a point where ive got too much going on inside my head and i need to get some of it out. I recently broke up with my boyfriend...he turned mean. He was so awesome and we got along great then the last year it just kind of fell apart...like he didnt really like me anymore. But now that i broke up with him he wants to act like i was everything to him and tell me how much he needs me...and its like you should of tried harder dude. I think ive been taking the whole break up really well. A little too well actually. I think its finally starting to hit me that im alone again...and im trying to be really strong. I need to realize that i dont need a boyfriend to be happy. Its still a difficult emotional struggle. I dont want to get back with him...not at all. Its the company and the comfort that there was that i miss. That stability...that knowing that someone will be there when you get home. Now its like i get home and im stuck with my millions of random thoughts and if i dont have something to keep me busy i fall into this funk. I think i might just be pmsing or something...but its like anything makes me want to cry. Maybe letting everything out on here might help...i mean whats the worse that can happen. Its like when i feel something is going awesome and the way it should be it does a total 180 and goes the opposite. Ive taught myself to not get too excited about anything anymore because i just get disappointed by the outcome but sometimes you just cant help it. I played tennis last night and im very sore...my arm is like shaking, my legs feel like jello...i would love to be able to drive back home and crawl into my nice warm bed with my teddy bear and stay there until the weekend. That would be the most awesome thing in the whole world. But nope gotta work...gotta make that paper. At least tomorrows Friday already! So i guess this blog hasnt really meant much...just me jotting down the first thing that comes to mind. From now on ill actually write about something...i promise. I'm pretty scatterbrained if you cant tell...i cant really stay on one subject i go off on to tangents. I've decided that this summer im going to do the whole Europe thing...then when i get back im moving to Idaho. I guess thats a little far to move alone but...i just want to go somewhere i need a change of scenary....maybe california. that would be real pretty...im not sure i could handle earthquakes though...id probably freak out. North Carolina?? Theres a beach there...idk i guess ill just have to wait and see where life takes me. Im a go with the flow kinda girl and i just need to stop getting attached. Attachments seem to cause nothing but trouble. Well im going to end this one and see where life takes me today. What is it Thursday? Maybe ill have a little movie night...make a date with myself. Ill write again soon.

-Confused about life.